Give yourself permission to express your reactions in a safe place like a journal or with a trusted friend.


Call CVVC's 24-Hour Helpline if you need help understanding your trauma reactions to an act of violence or crime.

Our trained, caring staff can answer questions, connect you with CVVC services, respond to your emergency needs and provide referrals.

The anticipation of the upcoming day is usually worse than the day itself. Accept unexpected reactions you may have and learn to take each moment as it comes.

Remember your loved one with special rituals, traditions and gatherings, so their memory and special presence is with you.


This page contains excerpts from a larger section on Trauma and the Impacts of Trauma. We encourage you to view the complete text.


The following are some helpful tips for coping with a traumatic experience:

  • Be sure to eat, even in small amounts, and get enough rest and sleep.
  • Do things that relieve stress, distract you, or are healing and enjoyable. Even if you don't have a lot of free time, take mini-breaks throughout the day. Ten minutes here and there can help you reduce stress and work through feelings.
  • Nurture yourself and allow the "safe people" in your life to nurture and take care of you.
  • Don't be afraid to set boundaries with family, friends and work associates. Many people may be unsure about what to do and say around you, but they want to be supportive. Express your wants, needs and feelings.
  • Take it slow. An ordinary workload and family responsibilities can feel overwhelming at first. Try breaking large tasks into smaller, more workable parts and take them one at a time.
  • Find "safe people" with whom you can share your feelings and reactions about the traumatic experience. Be prepared, however, for some people to not understand what you are going through.
  • Limit the amount of time you spend in a day thinking about the traumatic event.
  • Know that having symptoms after a traumatic event is not a sign of personal weakness. Give yourself permission to express your reactions in a safe place.
  • Ask the police, court system, medical staff, and mental health staff lots of questions. CVVC Counselor Advocates are available to help you better understand and navigate these systems. See more information about advocacy by visiting the Services for Victims and Witnesses page.
  • Seek professional help if the effects seem to be too overwhelming.

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Holidays, anniversaries, birthdays and other special personal or family days of remembrance are usually difficult times for those who have experienced an act of violence. Anytime a traumatic event has caused unexpected changes, including the homicide of a loved one, it is normal to feel sad, anxious and overwhelmed. Keep in mind that the anticipation of the anniversary of your traumatic event, or the special day without your loved one is usually worse than the day itself. Take one day at a time and do the best you can when that day arrives.

People who have experienced acts of violence and crime often remember the day of the event, and the unique details of the event whether they are the victim, or the loved one of the victim. The following are some ways to cope with people, places, dates or events that remind you of the traumatic event that has impacted your life:

  • Anticipate the day. Decide how you might best get through it. Let your family and friends know what you have planned and what they can do to be helpful and supportive.
  • Initiate some activity for yourself and don't wait for others.
  • Create new traditions or rituals that have meaning.
  • Set aside some time for yourself to be alone, or at least spend a few moments with your own thoughts.
  • Know your limitations and ask for help, or let others take on some of your responsibilities.
  • "Play it by ear" and be flexible. Accept changes and unknown reactions you may have, and learn to take each moment as it comes.

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  • Buy a candle, trinket, or collectable that has some special meaning for your loved one's memory.
  • Create a scrapbook of memories with pictures and personal items.
  • Talk about the person who has died.
  • Do something of personal meaning for your loved one around special holidays.
  • Have a family evening where everyone can share and reminisce about special times with a loved one.
  • Prepare your loved one's favorite food to share at a holiday party.
  • Buy a gift for your loved one and donate it to a nursing home, church, children's home, or hospital. You can even take something to the gravesite in remembrance.
  • Donate some time on a special day to a soup kitchen, nursing home, or similar charity of choice.
  • Remember to talk about your loved one so their memory and special presence is with you.

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Click here to view the entire section on
Trauma and the Impacts of Trauma.