Call CVVC's 24-Hour Helpline if you need help understanding your trauma reactions to an act of violence or crime.
Our trained, caring staff can answer questions, connect you with CVVC services, respond to your emergency needs and provide referrals.
Dating violence is a pattern of forceful or controlling behavior that is used against an intimate partner without regard to that person's safety, health or human rights.
Many teens think "there's no way that can happen to me!" but check this out: dating violence does not discriminate - it occurs across all social and economic lines, all races and ethnicities, and in heterosexual and same sex relationships.
If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, get help NOW. Talk to a trusted adult, or contact your local domestic violence center. You don't have to go through this alone!
How healthy is my relationship? Below are two lists - one of healthy relationship characteristics and one of unhealthy traits. Many relationships have a combination of both. The point of the exercise is to figure out what things in your relationship are healthy or unhealthy, so you can gain appreciation for the best things and also decide what you want to change.
Is It Healthy?
- Have fun together more often than not
- Always feel safe together
- Trust each other
- Are faithful to each other
- Support each other's individual goals in life
- Respect each other's opinions, even when they are different
- Solve conflicts positively
- Are proud to be with each other
- Have some privacy
- Never feel like you're being pressured for sex
- Allow each other space when you need it
- Always treat each other with respect
- Gets extremely jealous or accuses the other of cheating
- Doesn't take the other person seriously
- Doesn't listen when the other talks
- Has ever threatened to hurt the other or commit suicide if they leave
- Tells the other how to dress
- Blames the other for their own behavior ("If you hadn't made me mad, I wouldn't have…")
- Embarrasses or humiliates the other
- Smashes, throws or destroys things
- Goes back on promises
- Ignores or withholds affection as a way of punishing the other
- Depends completely on the other to meet social or emotional needs
An abusive person…
- Exhibits extreme jealously and possessiveness
- Criticizes and puts down partner
- Controls partner's time, whereabouts and friendships
- Isolates partner from friends
- Believes rigidly in traditional gender roles
- Devalues a person based on their gender
- Destroys things or possessions when angry
- Has a Jekyll and Hyde personality
- Has an explosive temper
- May have witnessed domestic violence as a child
- Emotional Coercion is when one person pressures another to have sex by making them feel bad about themselves or threatening the relationship. If someone tells you…
- You're so immature. Maybe I'd better find someone older.
- If you don't do it with me, I'll find someone who will!
- The way you kiss turns me on - what do you expect?
- If you don't want to do it, then why are you dressed that way?
- Everyone else is doing this - what's your problem?
- If you really love me, you will do this.
- I pay for dates, I buy you things - why can't you do this for me?
- Imbalance of Power is when one person in a relationship has more power than the other person. For example: when two people are several years apart in age, there is an imbalance of power. An older person may have more power because they…
- have money or a car
- know more, have more information
- have more experience - have done more things
- know how to argue to get what they want
- are bigger, stronger
- may be more trusted by adults
- have the freedom to do more things and make own decisions.